hey nice to meet you! please don't fall to ur death, you'll hit my car
by Meepyonnee
Summary: - exactly what the title says -:- AU. [for archangelBBQ!]


_hey nice to meet you, please don't fall to your death, you'll hit my car_

-:-

"Whoa! H-hey, wait a minute! Let's calm down for a second and just breathe, yeah?"

Mai placed her lunch on the ground with shaking hands, then kicked it away as if it was a weapon. She held her hands up and smiled as wide as she could. For the record though, it already looked like the man was calm and was breathing evenly.

Well damn. She just wanted to eat lunch at the rooftop. A peaceful meal. That was all she wished for. But now that she was faced with _this_ , she couldn't exactly turn one-eighty degrees and pretend nothing was going on, right?

The man at the far corner of the rooftop ignored her and continued staring at the view below him. With his back facing her, he standing on the ledge - at the _edge_ of the ledge. Half his feet on solid ground, half over open air, he held the rooftop railings with both hands - the metal bar behind him.

 _The metal bar_ that was supposed to be in _front_ of him to ensure his safety. His lanky frame looked as if it would sway at the slightest breeze, pushing him into a free fall he might or might not have planned.

". . . Go away," he said, "I'm busy."

It took everything within her not to shout _BUSY?!_

"Yes, well okay." Mai racked her brain for something to say - anything at all to stall him. "D-do you mind if I eat my lunch here with you?" She laughed nervously.

He sighed, an effort lost to the wind.

She recognized him. Just last week she shared an elevator with him; he got off at the 23rd floor while she got off at the 31st. This building had several offices in it, owned by different companies. If she wasn't mistaken, the company 'SPR' was the resident of the 23rd floor. Other than the acronym, she didn't know anything about that company.

Glancing in his direction, she wondered what she should do. She saw a documentary once with a similar scenario. The host told his audience about suicidal people, saying it was easier to make them let go just by talking to them about mundane stuff.

"So, um, you from around here?" Mai asked, mentally hitting her head with a large rock repeatedly. Was that all she could think of? Really?

He ignored her.

At a loss, she looked around, searching for the plastic bag she kicked away earlier. Her lunch was in there.

"Ahh, my lunch, where are you . . ."

The man released one hand from the metal bar and held on with the other, leaning over the edge slightly.

"AH!" As soon as she yelled, she slapped a palm on her mouth. It wouldn't do any good to startle the man on the verge of falling, now would it?! "There you are! My lunch!"

Spotting it at the corner of the rooftop, right behind the man, she inched closer and stomped as loud as she could so that he would know she was approaching. She picked up her bag and leaned against the ledge. Peeking from beneath her lashes, she discreetly took a glance at the man. He had his eyes closed, just one hand holding on to the metal bar and the other cradling his brow.

Then she looked down. She could feel her insides drop to the floor forty stories below, cold sweat breaking through her skin. Averting her gaze and keeping it locked on her hands, she waited until she calmed down before she spoke.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?" she asked, keeping her tone nonchalant.

He still didn't respond.

"No? Would you like to share then?" She opened her bento box only to find her food imitating a volcanic eruption. "Damn . . . Ah, um, I hope you don't mind having a massacred Lunch Set B with me. It's the bestseller at the second floor cafeteria."

". . . Leave me alone," he muttered, leaning even more forward.

 _What am I supposed to do?!_ Damn it, she wasn't the right person for this!

"Ahaha, hey! This is actually a great view!" Mai laughed, her voice stilted. Still sitting down, she grabbed onto the lower metal bar - _really_ gripping it - and pretended to look down. She had her eyes closed. "Hey, would you look at that! That's my car over there! Riiiiight there!"

The man huffed and finally faced her. "I just want to die in peace, now leave me alone. You're annoying."

"Aaah, but!" Did he hear her voice tremble? She was still leaning over the ledge like he was, trying not to let panic consume her. "My car's right below you! If you're still gonna jump, you might as well move a little bit to save me the trouble of wiping off your blood, right? Just two meters to the left would do, I promise."

Glaring at her as if she was a piece of gum stuck to his shoe, he retorted, "Your calculations are incorrect. If I moved two meters in that direction, the likelihood of me hitting your car would increase if you take wind resistance into account."

"Wha-?" She understood nothing of what he just said. But this is good, this is good. Keep him talking. "Um, what's wind resistance got to do with-"

"Do you know how to read?" asked the man suddenly, dark blue eyes meeting hers.

"Yes?" she answered, momentarily stunned by how beautiful his eyes were. But really, just how beautiful he _was_ , period. A delicately pale face with angular features, an overgrown fringe that accentuated his lashes perfectly, lips pressed into a stubborn pout. She forced her gaze to his again, realizing too late that he just insulted her.

She got up from her seat and stepped up right beside him, though still behind the metal bars. "Yes I do! I know how to read, you jerk!"

"Find a book about wind resistance then. Now leave. Me. Alone."

"Why would I do that when there's a _genius_ who can explain it to me right here, right now?" she goaded, just to keep him talking.

"In other words, you're either too lazy or too stupid to find answers on your own."

"Well I'm not the one ignoring common courtesy. I asked _nicely_ if you could very generously not destroy my car with your mangled body, and you're not even doing that right," she said, sticking her tongue out. Very mature, considering she was one year away from thirty. "You're stupid-er."

"I suggest you find a dictionary immediately as well. Eating the pages will be the fastest way to make yourself even _more_ stupid," he snorted.

"Will you just move, please? Don't hit my car."

"And I told you. Wind resistance."

Silence enveloped the air. Mai couldn't think of anything to say anymore, but she had to distract him more. Just until he changed his mind.

The man took in a sharp breath, held it for a few seconds, then released it slowly. Mai wondered what he was thinking about, however she could read nothing out of his blank expression.

"Can I ask a question?"

"Leave me alone."

"Okay, I already did. Can I ask another one?"

He looked at her sideways, eyebrows raised as if he was truly curious. "Were you born an idiot?"

"Were you born an asshole?" Mai replied without skipping a beat, regulating her voice so as she wouldn't yell again. She had to keep her cool. No matter how obnoxious this guy was.

"Yes. Now go away."

Mai sighed. From a distance, a flock of birds danced gracefully in the air, performing sommersaults and pirouettes as a group. One of them was having a hard time keeping up with the rest, falling out of their V formation a couple of times.

She waited until her temper went down before she spoke again, as quietly and as gently as she could.

"What brought this on?" she asked, sincerety flowing out with her words. She kept her gaze at the setting sun, which was slowly being covered by dark, heavy clouds.

". . . How many times do I have to tell you to leave." His voice had lost the exasperation it once had, replaced by resignation that had slowly consumed him.

"C'mon, you're gonna jump anyway, right? It wouldn't hurt anyone if you tell your whole life story one last time," she babbled, feigning indifference again.

"It wouldn't hurt anyone if you minded your own business."

Dammit. So close.

"Sure, okay. Compromise. If you tell me why you're doing this, I'll leave."

Mai backed off for now, leaving him to think about it. She turned around and leaned her back on the metal railing, her elbow nearly touching his fingertips. Fixing her footing, she noticed the overturned disposable bento box beneath her. A bear shaped riceball frowned back at her.

"You'll leave after I tell you."

"Yup. Promise. Pinky promise."

Mai held out her pinky and raised it to his right hand, the only hand that was holding onto the rails.

If she wasn't so nervous _(he's about to fall!)_ , she would have noticed the twitching of his eyes and the disbelief in his simper. With much hesitation, he hooked his left elbow through the metal bar and intertwined his right hand's pinky with hers.

"My brother died when he was fifteen. Now that I lived fifteen more years for him, I see no other reason to stay here," he explained, words flowing rapidly out of his lips. "I've told you. Now leave me alone."

"That's . . . I'm sorry," she murmured. Pity frothed at her mouth, but she could let it bubble over. Pity was not what the man needed now. No one would ever need pity directed at them.

The flock of birds from earlier soared above them, the last one finally catching up to the others.

"That's not fair," she finally said, uttering her words carefully. "Our deal was for you to tell your life story before I leave. That was hardly a story."

"The deal was that I tell you why I'm doing this and you'll leave," he reminded her. "We had a compromise."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. But, I don't remember. We never had any written agreement," Mai smirked.

"You really are an idiot," he sighed.

"Well, you're more of an idiot. Why not just jump? I'm not stopping you. I just don't want to leave," she reasoned, her eye twitching. _Please don't though,_ she thought.

"You're right, actually."

He raised his foot, as if stepping into the open air.

"HEY! Hey wait a minute!"

Her hand shot out in front of her and grabbed his shoulder, holding on as if _she_ was the one on the brink of death. Pulling him back, she hugged him fiercely from behind.

"My left shoe fell off," he noted.

Mai's breathing was broken, a rampant tempo taking over. "I'll buy you a new one. I'll buy you several left shoes."

"No thank you."

"It's my code to repay everything I owe," Mai sputtered, panic taking over as she thought of anything - anything at all to win the man over. Anything to keep him from jumping to his demise.

"You don't owe me anything.

"A gift then. I'll buy you a left shoe as a gift!"

"I don't accept gifts from strangers."

"Well - Do you have a girlfriend?! A wife?!"

Now, she was officially crazy.

"I have no obligation to answer your questions."

"Yes you do, we had an agreemen -"

"An agreement that ended with a compromise. I've fulfilled my end and now it's time for you to fulfill your own. Leave me alone."

He tried to pull off her arms around his waist, but to no effect. Mai held on like there was no tomorrow, the very thought of him falling when she'd let go swirling through her mind.

"Just answer the question! I'll let go if you do!"

"No."

"Would it kill - would it be so much for you to answer a simple question?"

"No," he repeated, sighing impatiently. "No, I don't have someone."

"Oh. Okay." She let out a tense breath.

It tickled his nape, but he wouldn't admit that.

"Well." She hugged him tighter. "Actually, I'm gonna turn thirty next month - which is very depressing, but you don't see me jumping off any buildings - and my friends are all teasing me about it since I still live in a bachelor pad all by myself. That's actually such a stupid label, though, right? I only used 'bachelor pad' because I don't know if there are any female equivalents for it - which begs the question! Why? Are men the only ones allowed to -"

"What's your point."

"I - uh," she gulped, holding onto the rails tighter than he was, as if she was the one on the verge of death.

Without breaking out of her hold, he twisted in place to turn around and grabbed onto the rails with both hands. He faced her completely, leveling her with a frosty gaze.

Face to face, their noses almost touching, lips mere inches away, she whispered, "Marry me."

He stiffened, blinking once and twice as if the wind got knocked right out of him by a suckerpunch. A pregnant pause filled the tension between them. He stared at her, straight through her, as if reading her very thoughts. Amusement passed through his features at first, then disbelief.

"You're serious."

"Yes."

He barked out a laugh. "You're an idiot."

Mai remained quiet as he continued laughing. He was mesmerizing, how this contradiction of a man was - laughing uncontrollably, yet with deep sadness embedded in his eyes.

"We had a deal," he said once he sobered. "You're being stupid. Now let me go."

"No, as your new fiancée I have to buy you a left shoe first. And maybe a ring, too."

"You don't-" Huffing, he reached behind him to tug off both her arms. With a surge of strength, Mai embraced him tighter so he won't break her hold, but - he seized her wrists, he broke away from her arms, nearly falling over. Mai grabbed onto him again, a millisecond away from falling over completely. "You don't have to. Now leave me alone. I have to . . . I have to meet him there . . . My brother's waiting for me . . ."

His voice fell, nothing but a whisper now. But depite this, his face stayed blank. Her chest tightened as she felt tears run down from both her eyes.

"You can live," she insisted, voice hitching. "You can live on as your brother watches you, but you don't have to live to replace him." She reached out and tentatively took his hand. "Live your own life. You can live fifteen more years, thirty, forty-five. You can live to a hundred if you want to."

She tugged on his hand and felt resistance at first, and then concession. His shoulders shook, and at first she thought he was crying, but when he let out his voice, he _laughed,_ and Mai could only gawk at him - how his eyes lit up, how carefree the tug on his lips were, how soothing to the ears his laughter was.

"Only idiots live that long," he chuckled. "I'm not exactly one."

"Yes you are, you idiot idiot _idiot!"_ she yelled at him as if he was far away despite being only centimeters apart. "You're a special kind of idiot for doing this."

"And you're even more of a special idiot to waste your tears on a stranger you haven't even talked to until this moment," he murmured, wiping away her tears as he gripped the metal bar tightly with his other hand.

"Yeah, we're both idiots, huh? That's why we're gonna live to a hundred, even _two_ hundred," she laughed even as tears continued to cloud her vision.

"What should we do with so much time on our hands?" he asked her, deciding to humor her.

"Well first -" she said, tugging his arm. "Come here."

It seemed he was still hesitating, looking over his shoulder and down at the far ground. She clutched his arm tighter.

"Look forward," she said. "Only forward."

And he looked directly into her eyes. "I have nothing to look forward to," he whispered.

"Yes you do," she whispered back. "I proposed to you, didn't I? We're gonna get married - the venue could be anywhere. Do you have a religion? Should we plan a church wedding? Or we could just have a quiet ceremony if you don't feel like inviting guests. Or if you prefer for it to be a grand celebration, we could even have our wedding at a space station!"

She rambled on and on, spouting suggestions for their honeymoon, then describing their future house to the last detail. As she talked, his eyes glazed over, and tears fell. He looked beautiful when he cried.

"How many kids do you want?" she asked him. "I think I want just one, but what if he or she will get lonely, right? So probably two?"

He had been staying quiet all this time, and the first thing he said is, "I haven't actually agreed to marry you yet."

"Aha! Yet, you said _yet_! No take-backs!" she laughed. "I bet you'd say yes right away when I get you your ring."

"Get me a 24-carat diamond ring then," he said.

"Sure I'll get you a - pfft what? 24 carats? I-isn't that too much?" she sputtered. "And shouldn't _you_ be getting me the rock?"

"I'm not the one who proposed here," he retorted.

"Fine, fine. We can get sapphire inlays for you, too, if you want. But first please . . . Come over here. You don't need to do this anymore, right?"

His shoulders shook as he laughed, but his eyes are still sad. "Don't let me go. I might fall," he said as he got ready to go over the rails, back to Mai.

"I won't. Come here."

Gripping the rails with both hands as Mai held onto his shirt, he jumped over as Mai pulled-and as smooth as the day was going today, he fell on top of her and they topple down the ground.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling her back up.

"Yes," she laughed - guffawed, really. "Yes, I'm fine. Look at how ridiculous we're acting," she laughed again.

As they both stood up at the same time, Mai swayed, and he put both hands to her shoulders to steady her.

"Thanks," she said. The wind was picking up again. "Why don't we get you a new left shoe, fiancé? Then we can go on a date to get to know each other. But, ah, we can't go on a date if you're half-barefoot."

"You owe me a diamond ring as well."

"Oh, we'll need to ransak my apartment first! My mother's ring is in there somewhere, but I never thought I'll need it anytime soon," she chuckled. "I'm Mai Taniyama, by the way. Your fiancée." She offered her right hand for him to shake.

"Oliver Davis," he said, shaking her hand and smiling back. His blue eyes were twinkling, showing so much emotion that Mai couldn't even decipher. "Your fiancé."

Her hand still in his, she lead him to the stairwell, down the steps and towards their new future together.

-:-

* * *

 _a/n: something silly for u Jibby~~~ belated happy birthday!_

 **Edit (9/23/17):** omg i didn't realize how fucked up the formatting was. during physics class yesterday i typed everything on my phone and copy-pasted from evernote T-T (i'm a great student aren't i) (kids, don't copy me)


End file.
